


torn between this life i lead and where i stand

by flyingthesky



Series: Kinktober 2019 [14]
Category: Kingdom Keepers - Ridley Pearson
Genre: Cunnilingus, F/F, Infidelity, Kinktober 2019, Pseudo-Incest, hence why it's not tagged underage, takes place during the return
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2021-01-16 05:20:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21265715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flyingthesky/pseuds/flyingthesky
Summary: “We’re not risking ourselves for them,” Amanda says, even though she knows that it’s not what Jess means. “We're risking ourselves to save the world.”It’s not the right answer, but it’s the only answer that Amanda has for her sister.





	torn between this life i lead and where i stand

“You were mine first,” Jess says. She’s crawled into Amanda's bed and is pressed against her like she’s huddled there for warmth or maybe comfort. “I know you care about him, but just—”

Jess buries her face in the side of Amanda’s neck, and Amanda doesn’t know what to do. She knows what Jess is asking her for, of course. They’ve known each other for so long that words are almost unnecessary, and it’s been a point of contention between them for all the years that they’ve been involved with this whole mess. Jess is right in all the ways that matter, is the thing. Amanda belonged to Jess long before she belonged to Finn—in as much as a person can “belong” to another person.

There’s no good answer for what Jess is asking of her, so instead Amanda brings her hand up to pet at Jess’ hair. It’s blue right now, because one of their friends asked if Jess would ever go blue and well. Jess has never stepped down from a challenge. She’s too fierce for that, and she doesn’t have the same hang-ups that Amanda does because their gifts are different.

“Don't kill yourself for his sake.” The words are mumbled, but Amanda would know what Jess was saying even if she were deaf, because she’s been hearing the same ones from Jess for years. “We—I know they’re our friends, but we’re Fairlies and they’re not. We can’t risk ourselves for them.”

“We’re not risking ourselves for them,” Amanda says, even though she knows that it’s not what Jess means. “We're risking ourselves to save the world.”

It’s not the right answer, but it’s the only answer that Amanda has for her sister. Jess says nothing, just keeps her face tucked into the curve of Amanda’s neck. Sighing, Amanda shifts them so she’s above Jess. Her hair falls around them like a curtain, and Jess looks up at her like they’re the sun and the moon. They stay like that for several moments, silent and breathing, but then Amanda bends down to press their lips together. Jess kisses back and doesn’t stop Amanda when she breaks it to move down Jess’ body.

Finn will understand. Finn knows how close they are—they say _sisters_, because it’s easier for other people to understand, but it goes deeper than that. Up until they got mixed up with the Keepers, Jess was Amanda’s entire world. She understands that Jess has always been wary of their world getting wider, of being close with other people, but they can’t stay in their own private bubble forever. That’s not how the world works, no matter how much that’s what Jess wants it to be like. How much Amanda would prefer if they could just keep to themselves, if the whole would could just be the two of them and nobody else.

Carefully, Amanda tugs Jess’ worn pajama pants down. She drops them off the side of the bed, followed by Jess’ underwear, pressing a kiss the the crease where Jess’ leg meets her hips. It makes Jess shiver, and even though they say _sisters_, Amanda knows that sisters wouldn’t do this. Her fingers dip into Jess, her tongue tasting the most intimate parts of her sister, and it’s an apology and a claim all at once. For now until Jess finds a Finn of her own, Amanda is the only one who will touch her like this. She’s the only one who will know the exact way to touch Jess to make her tremble and fall apart, the only person who will know the way that Jess’ breath hitches when Amanda’s finger find the right spots to press.

She’s never been with any other girl but Jess, so Amanda doesn’t know if all girls shiver when their clits are sucked. She doesn’t have to: Amanda has only ever loved one girl and she doesn’t see that changing any time soon. For now, she laps at Jess—tiny kitten licks that one bring Jess to the edge but won’t push her over. Amanda learned this trick after the second time they did this, Jess so sensitive to her touch that she always came almost immediately. Now, Amanda can bring her just to the edge but not over as many times as she wants.

Jess’ body is like a map for Amanda and Amanda alone. To someone else, it would be uncharted territory, but Amanda knows it so well that there’s nothing to the way she curves her tongue around Jess and chase the way Jess trembles under her touch. They’ve done this all before, and right now Finn doesn’t matter. The fact that all the Keepers are stuck in the past and there may or may not be a way to get them back doesn’t matter. Right now, Amanda’s whole world consists of Jess and only Jess, like it used to be when they were wrapped around each other on a too-small bed, huddled under thin sheets and trying to _survive_.

No matter what she and Finn go through, he’ll never understand those parts of her. He’s grown up blessed and happy. His family is loving and supportive. He’s never known what it’s like to _survive_ and even though Finn tries so, _so_ hard to love her, there are ugly parts of being a Fairlie and Amanda tries to keep those away from Finn. He’s got more important things to worry about, more important things to focus his attention on than something that’s in the past and that he can’t change. That’s what Amanda has Jess for.

“Amanda.” The word is a prayer and a warning all at once. “_Amanda_.”

Curling her fingers, Amanda sucks on Jess’ clit and feels the exact moment she shakes apart. Jess moans, quiet from years of having to be so, and Amanda wipes the wetness from her face with the back of her hand. Jess reaches for her, and Amanda goes easily. She kisses Jess like it’s the only way to breathe.

For tonight, at least, she belongs to Jess and Jess alone.

**Author's Note:**

> for the record [i absolutely did not pick this pairing](https://twitter.com/flyingthesky/status/1158779517147570176) and this was not the kingdom keepers pairing i wanted to win but here we are i fuckin guess


End file.
